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Friday, September 10, 2010

It's Over. Time To Move On

Everyone has their heart broken at one point in their dating lives. Some handle it better than others and some just don't know how to act. Breaking up is never easy and I think it gets even worse as we get older because we aren’t randomly dating as much. We are now getting involved in more serious relationships that involve our children at times and deeper feelings. How one handles a break up says a lot about their character and maturity. There are a few things that can be done to make the process easier and few things that should never be done.

Stop talking about them – When a break up first happens we tend to talk about the person nonstop. Trying to figure what went wrong, how did this happen, how to get them back and what to do now. Talking about them only slows the recovery process down. Please stop talking about them every chance you get. Your friends will tolerate it for a time because they love you and understand, but at some point you have to let it go and move on.

Stop calling and texting them – Continuous calling and texting after the break up is not cool. It looks desperate and is annoying. If the other party doesn’t want to continue the relationship and you continue to call and text you are now harassing them. Please don’t call and text cussing them out because you are on an emotional rampage. Your bitterness is even less appealing and makes you look crazy. Break ups are hard and very emotional times, but when you react emotionally you may end up saying something you didn’t mean and regret later.

Don’t Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter stalk them – When you are friends with your ex on social media sites harder to make a clean break. When your ex is updating what they are doing, who they are with, uploading pictures of the good times they are having without you it can send you into an emotional tizzy. Don’t do that to yourself. Delete or block them as your friend until you get to the point where you can be friends again. Looking at their pictures everyday is not helping you move on, so stay off of their page and take a break from the computer.

Get out the house – Don’t sit around the house after the break up sulking. Lying around the house only takes your thoughts back to the relationship and all the times you spent together. There are too many memories and pictures around the house that will make you more depressed.  Plan a one tank trip somewhere with the girls to get away for the weekend. Take yourself out to a movies or go visit with family and friends.

Retail therapy – Buying something new always makes me feel a little better. I wouldn’t blow my whole check at the mall, but I would pick up a nice pair of shoes, or a sweater, or a new purse. Something within my budget and I wouldn’t purchase more than one item. Maybe take yourself out to eat or treat yourself to a spa day. Spend a little time and money on yourself. Do something you never got to do when you were in a relationship.

Get a new friend – The best way to get over someone is with another someone. It’s always a good idea to take some time for you after a break up to regroup and get yourself back right. Don’t jump into another relationship right away. It’s helpful to have a platonic friend that you can hang out with to keep your mind busy. Nothing sexual or romantic needs to be involved, just a casual date here and there will help ease the pain. However, be honest with your intentions with the new friend so they aren’t mislead into thinking you are looking for something serious.

Always look your best – Keep up your appearance. Don’t go out looking like a bum because you feel like one. Comb your hair, iron your clothes, brush your teeth, and look your best. You never know who you are going to run into and you don’t want to get caught with your guard down. When you look good; you feel good.

Indulge yourself in your favorite activity – Plan a vacation somewhere, read some books, take an art class, work out, or sign up for some dance lessons. Find your passion and get involved in it. Reroute your energy into something positive and fulfilling. When you have less energy to give to the one who broke your heart you’ll find that your recovery period is a lot shorter. When you’re not looking is usually when you find what you have been looking for all along.

Don’t tear up their car or other personal belongings – Usually when someone takes this route they are acting purely out of emotion. Waiting at least 24 hours before reacting will give you time to think and react in a manner that is more rational. There is no point in keying someone’s car, cutting up their clothes, or causing them physical harm. Don’t take the chance of getting locked up or having to pay for the damages you have done. This type of behavior doesn’t get the person to come back to you and only makes you look nuts.

Stay busy – Work some extra hours at work, join a bowling league, or volunteer somewhere. Keep busy and move forward with your life. This break up may be just what you need to find your passion and get ahead in life. Don’t let a break up slow your role or make you become stagnant.

Change the way you think about the situation. Take into consideration the fact that you no longer have to worry about another individual. Now you have more time to spoil yourself, to come and go as you please, and can get back to yourself. Be selfish and do what you want when you want. Time heals all wounds; it’s all in how you handle yourself during this time. As with any situation that is arduous and stressful it is always best to trust in God and put it in his hands. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. If you were meant to be, you will be. If not chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Don’t harbor any ill feelings, forgive, forget, and prepare yourself for the one you are meant to be with.

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