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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Tamika's Tired of Being Single

In life we experience different seasons and during those seasons we are to embrace that time while gaining a better understanding of ourselves. I have been in my single season entirely too long if you ask me and I know myself very well. I have encountered different men in this season, but no one that I can build a future with. There was always something not quite right with each encounter and therefore kept me right where I currently am – SINGLE. So when does this season end? 

I have embraced my freedom and weighed my options of being in a relationship vs. being single. See the chart below on being single

Don’t have to think of someone else

Come and go as I please

Someone to love

Someone to kick it with




Hugs & Kisses

No Arguments

Paying for everything ALL the time

My own space



A dog would change some of those CONS to PROS but I can’t build a life with a dog. I enjoy the freedom of being single, but long to have someone consistent. I don’t get approached by men as much as one might think I would. I have actually been told that men are scared or intimidated by me (???) to which I don’t understand so let me share this tidbit with anyone and everyone. “Life is short. There is no time to be scared and not go after anything and everything you want in life. Don’t ever let an opportunity pass you by because of fear or self doubt. You never know what you can have unless you try. Closed mouths don’t get fed – stop starving yourself. Never be afraid of ‘NO’ because eventually you will find a ‘Yes’ and then it will be all worth it.”

In light of the previous revelation it seems that I have to take the situation into my own hands. So you're telling me now I have to step up and approach men to get a date? I have never been comfortable to do that and I really feel like this is bullsh*t because do I really want to be with a man that doesn't have the courage to approach me? Let me enlighten you fellas on something: It doesn't take much (shhhhh!) All women really want is a MAN. A man that can approach a woman in a respectable manner, plan a date, be respectful and have fun is all it takes. If you can make us laugh then you are half way there. If I'm attracted to you then it is smooth sailing from there. Here is a list on where you should fall back from approaching any woman. If you are over the age of 25:
  1. You don’t know the Lord (a must for me)
  2. You don’t have a job (stay away)
  3. You don’t have your own car (we don’t want to pick you up)
  4. You have bad hygiene (a shower and toothbrush are in order)
  5. You playing games (I’m 34, I don’t have time for that – holla at the next chick)
My agenda may be different from the next woman so I’m going to let any and all applicants / potentials know up front what my intentions are. I’m dating with a purpose and the purpose is for the relationship to go from committed monogamy to committed marriage and have a child maybe two. If we vary in our views on what the outcome of the relationship will be or if he is not sure where he wants it to go then we need to bid our ado’s and keep it moving. It was nice meeting you sir.

I have no doubts about the woman I am or what I need in a man. I’m not for every man. I’m an acquired tasted and try as some men may they have not acquired that taste – I may not be the woman for you and that’s OK. I’ll continue on this journey until the man for me and I paths cross. In the mean time I will endure the nightmare of dating and moving numbers to the “Do Not Answer” contact in my phone for the time being. It’s all part of the process. Prayerfully I won’t have too many more frogs to kiss before my prince shows up and shows out. Let us pray: Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, please send my husband to me this week. Let him be a man of God and the man of my dreams. I'm ready for the man you have prepared for me and me for him. I am ready to be the help mate you have designed me to be for him. Let your will be done and the church said AMEN.

I keep the blog post light and funny because that’s just my personality, but I am so very serious. I’m not crapping on any of the men I have dated before. I can say that 95% of them have been good men. A couple of a$$holes mixed in, but I learned a lot about myself dealing with them. So I thank you, but we didn’t work out because we weren’t meant to be together. The holiday weekend is upon us and I plan on hitting the streets with my girls (safely). The husband will have to catch me out there and rest assured I will be looking the part so he’ll be happy to see me. Dear future husband…I love you. LOL

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

If the Sex is Bad, Should You Stay?

The first time you have sex with your significant other is an anticipated, special moment, but what if the first time is terribly disappointing?
Terrible sex happens a lot and what is considered terrible varies from person to person, depending on what your past experiences have been.
There are a couple of ways I can approach this one.

First, I blame you.

If you have been dreaming and fantasizing about the first time you have sex with your partner, your expectations may be too high and you’re setting yourself up for disappointment....
Click here to continue reading my feature on 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Get His Attention

I think I am an attractive woman, educated, good head on my shoulders, smart, funny, a risk taker, and all around enjoy-er of life, but I am single and I don’t get approached by a lot of men. Let me rephrase that, I don’t get approached often by the type of man I desire. The less than desirables have no problem with shooting their shot and I have no problem shooting them down. I have spoken to male friends and exes about it and the consensus has been that I can come off as intimidating due to the aforementioned characteristics. 

So how do I get a man to approach me? How do I let a man know that I won’t shoot him down because he doesn't have a degree or thinks I don’t need a man?  Smile more? Wink at him? Throw something at him? Sit on his lap and bounce up and down? I’m all for flirting and I find that with a little alcohol in my system I’m real good at it, but I can’t be buzzed all the time.

So, how do you get a man to notice you?  In general, I’m kind of old school in my ways. I think if a man is interested in me he will let me know and if he doesn't then it’s not meant to be, but nowadays women are initiating that first move. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’m changing my mindset and working on it. However, I do know how to get his attention. First, you must understand that men are simple (not hard to figure out) visual creatures of habit. They are attracted to things that appeal to them physically, which gets them in trouble a lot of the times. Men know what they like and when they are interested they let it be known in most cases. Some do need a little nudge to let them know it’s okay for them to approach you and in that case I have compiled a small list of Don’ts and Do’s to assist you.

  • Dress slutty. You attract what you put out. If you are putting your breast and butt out to get his attention then don’t be surprised if that’s all he is interested in. DISCLAIMER – Some women can work slutty in a classy way, but you must have class first to still get respect. If you are going to have your breast out, cover your butt. If your butt is out, cover your breast. SLASSY / CLUTS  (sluts with class or classy sluts whichever you prefer, but own it)
  • Pretend to be something you’re not. The best thing you can do it be yourself at all times. Don’t pretend to be anyone else or act like you do things that you don’t usually do.  
  • Throw your vagina at him – that will not make him any more interested or keep him around for long. Despite what your home girl tells you, men do like a challenge. If you offering your twat up on a silver platter he will take it, but it won’t make him want to know anything more about you.
  • Obsess over him - you act goofy and awkward
  • Stalk him – you look crazy
  • Be overly aggressive. Let him know you are interested, but let him pursue you. He is the man
  • Get drunk and profess your love for him – Get your life


  • If you know he goes to a particular place at a particular time then happen to be there when he is and say “Hello.” Be casual and keep it light.
  • Always look nice and smell good. A scent sticks in the memory for a long time so he’ll think of you when and if he smells it somewhere else
  • Whenever you make eye contact with him smile sweetly / seductively
  • Casually touch him (when appropriate in the an appropriate area) when you have an encounter to let him know you are interested
  • Be flirty and classy
  • Be confident
  • Be a lady at all times. All though men are more visual creatures they still like an air of mystery and don’t want to see everything up front all at once (refer to bullet 1 in the “Don’ts”).  

If he still doesn't pay you any attention after that then you can chalk it up to one of the following reasons:
  1. He has a girlfriend that he is committed too – Aww, now you really want him
  2. He is not looking for anything serious – He slutting his way through life and you don’t want any parts of that anyway
  3. He is gay – Of course! Who wouldn't want me?
  4. He isn't interested in you – Something is wrong with him then
  5. He can’t recognize a good thing when it’s right in front of him – Poor baby just missed out on the best thing he never had

At the end of the day you have to stay true to yourself and don’t comprise yourself. Get out there and meet other men. He obviously wasn't the one for you so pick your face up and keep it moving. Don’t waste time on people who can’t see your value. Maybe he’ll come around and maybe it will be too late. You got him to notice you, now the ball is in his court. He either going to shoot or pass and there is only 24 seconds on the shot clock…23…22…21…
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